Reclaiming
by WrenClayton
Summary: Sam wishes he could truthfully say he hated everything that happened to him in the Pit. He wishes he could enjoy what he does with Dean and get off on it. But he can't do either, and it's killing him. WARNING: This story deals with the experience of being a rape survivor who was sexually aroused by their assault and has a kink for rough sex. This story has a happy ending.


Sam was on the bed reading when Dean grabbed the side of his face gently and pressed a kiss against his head.

"Gonna shower and I'll join you," he explained before letting go. Sam gave him a quick smile. His smile broadened when Dean winked and took his shirt off with a dramatic flourish, backing towards the bathroom. When the door closed, Sam turned back to his book with a sigh.

"My God, would you look at the time?"

Sam's whole body went rigid. Trembling slightly, he looked up from his book. Lucifer was sitting at the foot of his bed, staring at his wrist as though there was a watch on it. "Is it brotherfuck o'clock already?"

Sam dropped his book and pressed a thumb against the scar on his palm, closing his eyes, trying to think of Dean.

"Frankly, Sam, I'm not sure why you still bother." Lucifer gave him a sympathetic look. "It's downright cruel. And I should know."

When Sam paused, Lucifer scoffed. "Not the stupid thing you do with your hand, I'm talking about Dean. That thing where he crawls on top of you and you try so_very _hard to get off on it."

Sam's thumb slid away limply from his palm.

"My favorite part is where you lie and tell him it's enough, that he's enough."

"Sh-shut up."

Lucifer spread his hands. "Hey, I'm only trying to help you here."

Sam swallowed again, chewing his lip hard. He tried to think about Dean, Dean's smile, Dean's laugh, the little crinkles at the corners of his eyes. " … You're wrong. He _is_ enough."

Lucifer let out a tense breath and shook a finger at Sam. "You know, it always hurts my feelings when I get called the Prince of Lies by people like you."

"He _is._"

"You can't keep telling yourself that, Sam. Not even you believe it anymore. Dean sure as Hell doesn't, probably never did." Lucifer leaned forward, looking at Sam almost sadly. "No one's going to be enough for you, Sam. Not after me."

"Shut up!" Sam pulled away from Lucifer, curling up into a ball. He tried to catch his breath, pressing his thumb against the scar again and shutting his eyes. "You can't hurt me anymore, you're not real… "

"Maybe not." Lucifer shrugged. "But the things I did to you… that's real." He ran one finger in a teasing line down Sam's leg, voice trailing off into a singsong. "And you… still… want… it… "

"I _don't_!"

"If you really didn't want it, don't you think you'd be able to get off when your brother fucked you?" Lucifer looked Sam's body over in a way that made his skin crawl. "Not just when you're alone, hand on yourself, thinking about _me_?"

Sam's throat constricted. He tried to find words to make Lucifer's go away, tried as hard as he could, but nothing would come. Lucifer slipped his hand between Sam's knees, teasing them apart. "You're hard right now, aren't you?"

Sam's hands clenched in the sheets and he tried to pull back. He felt sick. "D-don't touch me."

"Some part of you wishes I _was _real." Lucifer looked Sam over with an expression of vague wonder. "You wish I could do those things to you again."

"_Shut up_!"

Lucifer shook his head at Sam, tsking. "It's funny, Sam. I mean, any human can get raped by the devil." He gave Sam a disgusted look. "But what kind of human_likes _it?"

"Sam?"

Sam's eyes shot towards the bathroom. Dean was standing in the doorway, towel wrapped around his waist, looking at him with apprehension. " … Sam, you okay?"

Sam sprang out of the bed, grabbing Dean in a fierce hug. He buried his face in Dean's wet neck, smelling him, feeling him, tasting him, letting his senses be overwhelmed by _Dean._

Dean's hands were firm on his back, holding him close. " … Is it him?"

Sam nodded, shaking slightly. Dean sighed and pressed a kiss to Sam's shoulder. "Hey, shh, it's okay, I'm here. You're safe now, he can't hurt you."

It took a few minutes for Sam's shaking to subside, for him to work up the courage to pull his face out of Dean's neck and look at the bed. It was empty. He let out a deep breath and relaxed in his brother's arms.

Dean rested his forehead against Sam's, brushing a quick kiss against his lips. "So… just cuddles tonight?"

Sam shook his head. "No, it's fine, I-I want to try."

"You sure?"

"Y-yeah." He needed to try, needed to prove Lucifer wrong. Dean _was _enough, he loved his brother more than anything and thought he was the sexiest thing alive and that _had _to be enough for him to get off. Just once.

"Okay." Dean kissed him again. "You need me to stop, just say the magic words."

Sam nodded, kissing Dean back as he was herded towards the bed. His cock was still hard and it was pressing against Dean through the towel and his pants, and maybe this time it would be enough. Dean felt so good in his arms, made him feel loved and safe and perfect, and he tried to cling to the wonderful feeling and let it wash through him.

Sam let out a little moan as Dean pulled away from the kiss for a moment to lie down on the bed, pulling Sam after him. He crawled on top of Dean, covering his brother's body with his own, feeling Dean's hands running under his shirt to pull it off.

"God, Sam," Dean groaned when Sam's shirt was gone, working on his brother's pants. "You're fucking gorgeous, baby, wanna make you feel so good… "

Sam unwrapped the towel around Dean's waist as his brother dragged his pants down, sliding a hand between Dean's legs, squeezing his brother's stiffening cock. They could always count on getting Dean off, that wasn't a problem, but he could tell it hurt Dean when they couldn't do the same for Sam.

He wanted so badly to be able to come for Dean.

Dean kissed down his neck, and Sam rolled onto his side so they could tug his pants off the rest of the way. When Dean shifted down the bed, kissing Sam's chest as he went, Sam closed his eyes and breathed out slowly and just held Dean close, thinking about how much he loved the man in his arms, praying his cock wouldn't lose interest.

"Perfect all over, Sammy," Dean murmured into his skin, pressing soft kisses against his stomach and ribs and hips and thighs. "Every inch of you, just perfect. Love you so much."

Sam groaned softly when he felt Dean's mouth slide over him. It felt nice, Dean always felt nice.

_Not like Lucifer. Lucifer felt mind-blowing._

Sam cringed and tried to push the thought out of his mind. All he wanted to think about right now was Dean, Dean's touch and Dean's mouth, soft and gentle and_consensual, _the way sex was supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to be wishing that Dean would pin him roughly to the bed and hurt him on purpose, grab his hair, call him nasty things and fuck him rough, and he wasn't supposed to likethe mere thought of that more than he liked what Dean was actually doing to him right now…

_No one's going to be enough for you, Sam. Not after me._

Sam bit down a whimper and squeezed his eyes shut, curling up around Dean's head as his brother licked and sucked him. He just wanted to like this, just wanted to leave the Pit behind and have it be just him and Dean, but something had fucked him up and now he _needed _the Pit, needed that cruelty and roughness, and all these gentle touches were sweet and wonderful but they couldn't get him off, no matter how hard he tried.

He felt Dean's mouth slide off his softening cock. " … Sam?" Dean took one look at Sam's face and scooted up the bed, cupping his cheek gently. "Oh god, Sammy, I'm so sorry. We'll stop, okay?" He gave Sam's forehead a kiss, hugging his brother close. "You should have said something… "

Sam shook his head, biting down a sob. "I'm sorry, Dean, I really want this to work… "

"Shh, not your fault, Sam. None of this is your fault."

_Yes, it is. _Sam hugged Dean close and shuddered, hiding his face in Dean's chest. _If I didn't get off on being raped we wouldn't be having this problem._

"Was… was it him, Sam? Were you seeing him?"

Sam sniffed. "No… just… It just wasn't working for me again."

Dean tilted Sam's face up. "Is there anything that might work better? Different position, different… anything? You know I'll try anything for you, Sam."

Sam shuddered violently. He couldn't ask Dean to do what he wanted, he couldn't admit that he liked it. Dean might think… god, he didn't want to know what Dean would think if he found out that some part of Sam craved the things Lucifer had done to him. Dean always looked at him like he was the most perfect thing in the world, he didn't want that look to go away, didn't want to see it tainted by disgust or betrayal.

"Sam, hey, it's okay." Dean gave him a quick kiss. "We can stop for the night, it's fine."

It wasn't fine. Their nights were ending this way more and more often, with Sam trembling and Dean holding him close and comforting him, telling him they could just go to sleep, they didn't have to do anything Sam didn't want to do. He was absolutely terrified of what Dean would think if he found out what Sam liked, but… he was afraid he was going to lose Dean anyway if he didn't break out of this pattern. It was making them both miserable.

He was just desperate enough that it was worth a try.

Sam steeled himself and pulled back so he could look Dean in the eye. "There's… there's something… something we could maybe try."

Dean's face lit up. "Yeah?"

Sam bit his lip, looking away. _Please don't hate me. _"It's… I mean… we don't have to, but I thought… " _I still said no to him, Dean, I didn't want it, I swear. Please understand. _"I thought… maybe… " Sam trailed off and he dropped his head against Dean's chest. "Y-you know that I love you, right?"

"Sam, of course I do." Dean rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Please, tell me if there's something you want, I just want to see you happy."

Sam's whole body went tense as steel and he tried to breathe, tried to force out the words. "M-maybe you could t-tie me up?"

Dean was quiet for a moment, and Sam's heart raced. Then Dean tilted his chin up, looking at him with an expression of vague puzzlement.

" … You want that?"

Sam choked. "I-I mean — maybe — "

"Sam, it's fine, I just… " Dean licked his lips, glancing away anxiously. "Didn't… Didn't Lucifer…?"

Sam's stomach dropped. Dean caught the look in his eyes and went tense. "Fuck, Sam, I'm sorry, you don't have to talk about it, I just — just want to make sure this is really what you want." Dean brushed his thumb over Sam's cheek. "Would you like that? Me tying you up?"

Sam swallowed and nodded, his throat tight. Dean gave him a kiss.

"Okay, that's good, I can do that. Anything else?"

It was a little easier now that he'd started. Sam cleared his throat. "Maybe… Grab my hair?"

"Yeah?" Dean was watching him attentively, waiting to hear more.

"And… just be rougher."

Dean licked his lips. "Would you want me to hold you down on the bed?"

Sam's breath hitched. "Yeah, I'd… _really_ like that."

Dean straightened up, leaning over the bed to grab something off the floor. "Keep talking."

Sam's breath was still coming fast and saying all these things out loud was still terrifying, he was still waiting for Dean to flinch at any moment, but now that he'd started it was easy to just keep going. "I'd like you to use your teeth too. And your nails. Just… put marks all over me." Sam's breath hitched when Dean straightened up, holding his belt. "Don't want you to draw blood, but… Dean, I… I want you to bite _hard._"

Dean pressed a firm hand against Sam's chest and pushed him down on the bed. "Hands above your head. Keep talking."

Sam was panting as he crossed his wrists above his head, feeding them through the bars of the headboard. "And call me names, treat me like you own me, just… " Sam trailed off as Dean wrapped the belt around his wrists. " … Oh fuck… "

"What kind of names?"

"I dunno. Bitch. Slut." Sam flushed as Dean yanked the belt tight and tied it off. "Yours."

Dean smiled at him and gave him another kiss, and Sam grunted against him in surprise.

"You… you really don't mind any of this?" _You don't think I'm sick?_

"Sam, god." Dean kissed down his neck. "You're hornier than I've seen you in months. Just from talking about this. If this is what you need, I'll give it to you every night." Dean kissed Sam on the lips one more time and then just breathed against him for a moment, eyes closed. Then he cleared his throat. "Sam, you know that I love you."

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"And I care about you."

"Yeah."

"And I'll stop the second you want me to."

"Yeah, I know that, Dean."

"Good." Dean gave Sam's lip a bite. "Because you're going to be my bitch tonight and I'm going to fuck you until you scream, understand?"

Sam's heart jumped up into his throat and his cock jerked against his stomach. Dean grabbed his chin and tilted his face from side to side, inspecting him.

"You gonna answer me, bitch?"

Sam closed his eyes and shuddered and choked out a "yes sir."

Dean pressed Sam's face to the side into the pillow, leaning down to lick the rim of his ear. "This still good?" he whispered. Sam nodded, and Dean smirked. "Good."

Sam wasn't ready for Dean's nails to rake down his side, and his back arched at the four burning lines of pain that Dean dragged across his skin. It felt so damn_good _it made his head spin for a moment, and the fact that it was Dean making him feel like this was almost surreal.

"I'm gonna fuck you hard and rough." Dean was growling against his neck, grabbing Sam's legs hard enough to hurt, wrenching them apart and forcing himself between them. "And you're gonna keep your legs spread and take it like a good little fucktoy, aren't you?"

Sam was shivering, hissing in pain, cock leaking against his stomach. He couldn't remember the last time he was this turned on. "Y-yes, yes sir."

Dean grabbed Sam's hair and jerked his head back, looking down at him with a sneer. Sam could feel Dean's cock brushing against his ass every time his brother's hips shifted.

"Want me to lube up your tight ass for my cock?"

Sam nodded, almost dizzy. Dean gave his hair a sharp tug and he yelped.

"Too bad," Dean snarled. "Bitches don't get lube, they get spit." He pressed two fingers against Sam's mouth. "Open up."

Sam whined as Dean's fingers pushed roughly past his lips. A flicker of uncertainty passed across Dean's face, and Sam gave him a nod to reassure him that everything was fine. Then the sneer was back and Dean jammed his fingers hard into Sam's mouth.

"Get 'em nice and wet, you know where they're going."

Sam groaned and sucked on the fingers, running his tongue over them. His cock twitched when Dean's breath caught.

"Fuck… that looks good… "

Sam could tell Dean wasn't acting that time.

Dean slid his fingers out of Sam's mouth. He used his own legs to wrench Sam's farther apart, exposing his ass, sliding his wet fingers down the crack. Sam gasped in shock when Dean pushed both of them in without warning.

"Got a nice tight little ass for your master to fuck, don't you?"

Sam squirmed, panting hard as the fingers pumped inside him. "Y-yes, yes sir, please!"

"Oh, you want it now?" Dean shoved his fingers in hard, biting at Sam's neck. "Don't even need more prep, want it to hurt a bit?"

Sam tensed up and nodded, shuddering. Dean gave his throat another bite and pulled his fingers out of Sam's ass, replacing them with the nudging head of his cock.

"Spread your legs, slut," he spat.

Sam lifted his knees to his chest, exposing himself for Dean. Dean's cock started to press into him and Sam gasped, hands clenching, jerking once at his bindings, and the sensation of being bound up and unable to move sent a bolt of pleasure through him that only intensified when the head of Dean's cock pushed into him.

"God yes, nice tight little bitch… "

Dean shoved in deeper, stretching him, forcing him open, and Sam tossed his head against the pillows, shouting. Dean grabbed his hips hard and started thrusting into him slowly, biting at Sam's neck and shoulder, leaving marks, growling against him. Sam was so overwhelmed with pleasure could barely think, he could barely breathe, all he could do was lie still under Dean while he was grabbed and bitten and fucked, arms tied to the bed and legs held open by Dean's rough grasp, helpless to stop him.

Dean's hand reached between their bodies and found Sam's rigid cock, stroking it, panting into Sam's neck and slamming into him harder, rocking Sam's body with each thrust. "Good little fucktoy, I'm gonna do this all the time — "

Sam's back arched and he screamed as he came in Dean's hand, tensing around his brother's cock, shockwaves of pleasure making him shudder and shake under Dean's body. Dean looked outright startled when Sam's vision had cleared enough to see him. He panted up at his brother, just trying to catch his breath.

Dean licked his lips. "Oh fuck, Sam, you actually — "

Sam pushed himself up and gave Dean a breathless kiss, still shaking. "Dean, that was perfect, you're perfect, fuck, thank you so much… " He gave an exhausted laugh. "God, you're amazing." His head was spinning, he wasn't prepared for the sheer ecstasy of having the man he loved get him off like this.

Dean groaned and cupped Sam's face, kissing him deep and passionate, still buried inside him to the hilt. It was a while before he pulled back.

"Keep going," Sam insisted before Dean could get a word out. "I'm not sore yet, I wanna feel you come in me."

Dean moaned and gave a hard thrust, shivering when Sam kissed him again.

"Love you so much, Dean, mm, that's it, go as hard as you need, it feels great, you feel great, god, can't believe how lucky I am… " Sam slurred sweet words into the kiss as Dean pounded him, smiling when he felt his brother shaking. "Felt so good to come for you, baby, can't wait to do this every night, come for you, come screaming your name, shh, that's it, keep going, I know you love how this feels, love being inside me, come in me, Dean, I love feeling you come in me, love it so much… "

Dean buried his face in Sam's neck, kissing it, moaning desperately, hips jerking as he came inside his little brother. Sam hummed happily, rocking his hips up against Dean, feeling Dean's trembling die down into an exhausted limpness.

"Sammy, god… " Dean pulled back and gave Sam a tired kiss. "So glad you told me."

Sam was too happy and tired to think straight. "Told you what?"

"What you wanted." Dean gave him a smile and another quick kiss before pulling out of him gently. "I'll tie you up and fuck you rough anytime you like, Sam, just say the word."

Dean started untying the belt, and Sam peered up at him. " … You don't mind at all?"

"God no. Nothing's hotter than seeing you turned on." Dean tossed the belt to the floor. "If it gets you off, it'll get me off."

Sam grinned and grabbed Dean with his strong arms, yanking his brother close and holding him there, spooned up against each other.

"Cuddles?" Sam asked tiredly.

Dean nodded, yawning and throwing an arm around Sam. "Cuddles."

Sam couldn't remember the last time he felt this satisfied or this peaceful as he drifted off.


End file.
